I have to remind myself that, not every blog post needs a photo to capture the eye. (although I might change my mind and edit later) So I thought I'd bring it back old school and just have a good natter on the internet. I love looking back on old posts so I'm using this one as a bit of a journal to see how far I've come in the future. This post is a bit of a heavy one for me and I don't normally talk about my struggles.
Lately I've been so exhausted with health struggles. I'm recognizing stress, I'm feeling fed up and just experiencing what a few of my close friends and family go through on a daily basis. Now a few will know that I struggle with various health problems and many of you do not know that I suffer from Type 2 Diabetes and PCOS. Recently I got diagnosed with a trapped nerve in my spine. It's not the first time I've had back pain and it probably won't be the last. But at least I know how to manage it, far better than any other times.
Type 2 Diabetes was the big shocker. I was told this in late 2020. I had to go to the hospital alone, take many tests and be told that I had T2 Diabetes and to cut out sugar and lower carbs. (I'm a big foodie so this really got to me quite fast) I did this for quite a while, getting my numbers from 112mmol down to into the 60's. (This is when they test your overall blood sugar levels every 3 months. Normal or Non Diabetics should have a number of around 48 and under) and then COVID hit me and I couldn't control my sugars and they went back up to around 100 again. Recently I saw an Endocrinologist, they specialize in hormones, metabolism and blood sugars etc. And he really listened to me. I had concerns about previous medical histories and if they could affect me today. He came back and confirmed what I have suspected most of my life and that is I have PCOS aka Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. If you haven't heard of this, it's basically it affects how our ovaries work and is usually caused by a hormonal imbalance. It can also lead to diabetes, see where I'm going with this.
I've lived most of my life not bother by PCOS, not having periods was a curse and a blessing but I feel as if all those years ago when I was first seen about it and it was recorded on my file but not discussed with me, I could have done something earlier to prevent diabetes and manage symptoms. And this gets to me a lot.
I'm trying my best to sort out the symptoms of PCOS and re-learn everything I know about diabetes to get back on track. But its a struggle when I'm stressed with severe back pain.
It's been 2 weeks since I saw a physiotherapist about my lower back and I'm still in pain trying to walk around anywhere, even with codeine pills. Luckily I can work from home most days or decide to spend a small fortune getting an uber to the office. But I still feel like I'm letting down everyone and everything when I'm in this much pain. Most days I can barely spend five minutes making a cup of tea in my own kitchen. Don't even get me started on my broken sleep.
I've also been in the toxic mindset of just pushing through the pain, which I did on a few occasions with big regret and I also ended up having to take a twenty minute nap in my office. Health Care Professionals will tell you to move as normal, but how are you suppose to move when your meds don't work and you have severe pain from the lower back down to your legs? Rest but don't rest? I've pottered around my house to stop my back from being any worse but half the stretches I've been given by my physio are a real struggle. Some have helped and others have reduced me to tears. It's ridiculous.
My closest friends also struggle with chronic pain and diabetes. And it's so lovely to talk to them and be on the same wavelength about their struggles and support each other.
I will always have a hidden disability. And I will continue to try and manage with the help of doctors etc but I will struggle. And mentally, I'm not really prepared for this future. I lie to myself and think I've got this but it's exhausting. All I want to do is walk around and have my camera with me and snap photos.
I need to catch a break. Just like many of my fellow chronic disability sufferers.
If you suffer from a hidden disability or have health struggles in your life, what are some of your top tips you've give to me and others like me?
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